Monday, August 24, 2009

there's a clog in my blog!

Now, I will admit that though I do attempt to dress in a snappy manner, I am by no means an expert-level fashionista. I'm still trying to figure out how to do that whole thing where you have an outfit that's one color and a pair of shoes that are a TOTALLY different color but it looks awesome? Know what I mean?

Well anyway...

I love shoes, for the most part. But one form of footwear for which I have a personal hatred is clogs. They are big, clunky, and totally impractical as they do not want to stay on your feet when you walk. Not to mention they don't look feminine AT ALL and they force the back of your pants to get awkwardly caught between your heel and the inside of your shoe, which is annoying. I have seen them slowly creeping back onto the shelves at shoe stores, trying to reinvent themselves as cute and versatile. But I won't be fooled. Clogs have no place in my closet.

So when I saw an advertisement for these on the sidebar of my facebook page, I was caught somewhere between amused and horrified:



And guess how much people pay to own these? $139! That's right, 139 American dollars for CLOGS!

You know what else you can buy for $139? These:



Why not invest that money a little more wisely and swap your cat clogs for some kitten heels? Please, people?!

Meow.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

I'm back, nerds!!!

OK, so I'm back from vacation (which was fabulous, by the way) and ready to do some blogging! And I've decided to set a new goal for my blogging habits. I think I went a little overkill this summer between starting a second blog, trying to keep up with three different shows, and editing video recaps. Then I got what I'm going to call an internet hangover, and didn't even end up writing a single finale recap for any of those shows. And I pretty much neglected this blog until I had to word vomit all over it before leaving for vacation.

So, new goal: I'm going to blog once a week on each blog. That's not too tough, right? Plus, people probably don't want to read a new post from me every day of their lives anyway, so this will make me easier for you lot to keep up with. AND best of all, it will give me more time to catch up with YOU!

OK, now that that's out of the way...

VACATION HIGHLIGHTS!

1. Flat tire!
Yes, my very first flat tire that really counts. (My old Neon got a flat in high school, but I was literally right in front of my house when it happened, so I got it up the driveway and into the garage where my dad changed it using power tools. Which is sooooo not the same thing as an actual, real-life flat tire!)

It happened about 40 miles before Rockford, Illinois and about 15 minutes before midnight. I had slept all day and was really hitting my groove behind the wheel, ready for a steady drive through the night. Marla and I had talked our way through Indiana and now she was asleep in the passenger seat and it was just me, Heidi (my GPS), and a mix of Jason Mraz, Lady Danville, and Sara B in the CD player. I was feeling good.

And then the tire went out.

I weakly hoped for a second that the flatulent sounds being made between my tires and the road were being caused by an unfinished repaving job, but I knew this wasn't the case, so I pulled over and woke up Marla, who got out to check the damage.

"Yep, you got a flat," she said.

OK, I thought, no problem! I had a can of tire inflator in the trunk -- easy fix! So we tried to fill the tire up with the inflation stuff, but it didn't work...which meant we'd actually have to change the tire. In the middle of the night. In the middle of I-39.

We called Dad, and between his instructions and some very vague illustrations in my car's owner manual, we got the tire changed by the light of cell phones and a full moon. There was no crying or yelling, which is impressive for our family, and I am proud to say I even called off the roadside assistance folks who were dispatched by my insurance company. Marla and I did it ourselves!

I'm also not embarrassed to say that at some point in the night, both of us peed on the side of the interstate. Ah-thank-you.

We made it to Rockford on the little donut tire and stayed in a hotel overnight so we could get new tires in the morning, making us late for our cousin's wedding in Minneapolis that afternoon. But we still made it to the reception!

Of course, by the time we got there, everyone had heard about the flat tire incident and was either pitying us or giving us a hard time about it. But you know what? I'm actually glad it happened, because now I know I can change a flat and live to tell the story! Ok, highlight number 2...

2. Reunited (and it feels so goo-ood!)
For the first time in years, both of my sisters and I were at the lake at the same time, which was very special! We are a very closeknit set of siblings, so when we get together it gets a little insane. My dad is always equal parts busting at the seams with happiness and driven up the wall with annoyance, because we as a group are a little obnoxious. When we get together, we almost speak in our own language largely made up of inside jokes, weird voices, and fits of laughter. This time around our language also included several Dorm Life references, including endless choruses of "Tabitha Darling" and many other Joshua Morgan quotes. One morning I was even awakened by the Morning Song a la Steph Schwartzman, courtesy of Marla. Like I said, very special.

3. My birthday!
My actual birthday was spent driving home from the lake, which kind of stunk, but it was also a lot of fun because Marla and I passed the time using the word "essspensive" as much as possible (example: "Oooh, that motorcycle looks essspensive!" or, "Gas is essspensive!") and talking/singing in high-pitched voices to get Lola to make faces at us from the back seat.

But my birthday celebration was Friday and it was fabulous. Michelle made some kind of cake made of Kahlua, coffee, and coconut (delicious), and we took it and a bucket of frozen margarita mix on the pontoon boat and cruised the lake as the sun went down. It was the second annual Cake and Cocktail Cruise (a tradition I founded last year)! I think next year I'm gonna make t-shirts.

And now I'm back, trying to get adjusted to my nocturnal schedule again and getting back into the swing of work. And this time of year I always get the urge to buy school supplies, even though I don't need to anymore! September is just around the corner, and with it the start of FOOTBALL SEASON! I can't wait.

See you next week, I promise!
<3 Lis

Thursday, August 6, 2009

i hate you/i heart you.

Hello, blog. It's been awhile.

You know how sometimes your blog is a place to document experiences you will never forget, or memorable moments you'll look back on later with much love?

Yeah, this isn't one of those posts.

This is one of those posts you write because you HAVE to have someplace to spew all the crazy in your mind in order to save yourself from going over the edge.

The edge of what? I don't know...the edge of your chair, maybe. Or the edge of the Cliffs of Insanity perhaps.

Anyway, Random Thoughts for 500, Alex:

- I old-fish-hilly have less than a year left here, in this town, at this job. And then I'm moving to California. Or just somewhere with a beach. And yes, there ARE jobs out there; I checked.

- Countdown to awesome things:
Haircut...10 hours
SYTYCD Finale with Awesome People...less than 24 hours
Road Trip to Minnesota for Vacation...less than 48 hours
These events are getting me to the end of the most stressful, exhausting week of work I have ever experienced.

- Speaking of which...we got a new morning anchor and meteorologist. I love them both. What I don't love is the "perfect storm" of extra work/changes/etc I have been busy with leading up to a week of vacation. I can't even begin to go into detail on this...just accept without explanation from me that it's been pretty hairy for me at the station lately.

- I went to McDonald's for an iced mocha the other morning, and there was a guy in front of me who was ordering breakfast. He was very, VERY morbidly obese. And this probably sounds mean, but I don't mean it to be...shouldn't places like McDonald's reserve the right to refuse service to people who don't need any more high fat/high sodium foods the same way a bartender or server in a restaurant can refuse service to someone who doesn't need to have any more alcohol?

- I ordered a new swim suit, and it came in the mail today. That was exciting. What wasn't exciting was that it didn't end up being what it said it would be on the WEBSITE FROM WHICH I HAD ORDERED IT. If your product description says "ties in the back" then it better damn well TIE IN THE BACK, not HOOK IN THE BACK!!! OK?!!! LESSON LEARNED!!!

- I can't stop quoting Dorm Life on a daily basis. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm really just not.

- All week I've wanted to quote Tracy Jordan in 30 Rock: "Live every week like it's Shark Week." It is kind of amazing how excited people get about this annual Discovery Channel event. It's kind of like swimming during the Olympics...no one gives a crap about it until it becomes a nationally televised event during a set-aside portion of the summer, and then suddenly everyone's interested. Not that that's a bad thing.

- I wish I had more occasion to use (and please excuse the expression) "apeshit" in a sentence. I don't know why I like this word so much; it's so low-brow...but for some reason I just really enjoy it!

- If you don't know who Lady Danville is...get with it. Their music has been pretty much keeping me from punching myself in the face for the past two weeks.



Aren't they too adorable for real life?!

- I wish I could convince people I had an evil twin; I could get away with saying what I'm thinking even if it's rude or mean and then just be like, "That wasn't me! It was my evil twin!"

OK, sorry for going completely apeshit on you guys.

Lis