pam

"Hey! I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just wanna say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow I feel really good right now."
~Pam Beesly, "Beach Games," The Office, Season 3.


This is the curse of the graveyard shift---if you follow your normal sleep pattern on a Friday, you end up still awake at 4:30 AM. Which is what I am doing right now. So I thought writing might help me wind down enough to get a few hours of sleep.

It's no secret that I love "The Office." And if you've watched the show enough to be familiar with the characters, you love Jim and Pam. I don't care who you are; you like them. I mean, everyone wants to be Jim and Pam, right? Jim is the cool, caring, cute, funny guy that everyone likes (except Dwight), and Pam is the nice, approachably pretty, creative girl that people take for granted. Wait, what? No one wants to be taken for granted! Who would want that? No one wants to be a doormat. No one wants that part of Pam's character.

Here's the thing about Pam that we girls want: Pam is taken for granted by everyone except...Jim. And he never takes her for granted. Yes, sometimes we've seen him get mad at her, or hurt her feelings, but whether he's trying to show it or not, it's always obvious that Jim cares about Pam. I love the episode in Season 2 when everyone in the office goes on a booze cruise, and the guys are talking about who they would save if the boat were sinking. And Jim tells the camera, "I would save the receptionist."

All of us girls want that; someone who sees us even when we seem invisible to everyone else around us. We all want a Jim.

But just because Jim was always there ready to save Pam didn't mean they got together, easy as that. Pam was in a failing relationship with Roy, a guy she had known for a long time and, I'm sure, really did have a good time with at some point. And you can tell that at one point, Roy really was sweet to Pam; we see that when Pam's mom comes to visit and Roy puts on a sweater and a cute personality for her. But after three years of being engaged and countless episodes in which Roy acts like a jerk, it's clear that Roy has taken Pam for granted. She's nice to him, she takes care of him, and she's loyal. To a fault. She's not going anywhere, so he's not in any rush to actually marry her.

I had a conversation with someone (who I'm sure will read this, so I'm sure you'll laugh when you do)... ;) ... while we were watching an episode of the Office, and I said something like, "Poor Pam!" And he said he didn't feel sorry for Pam, because she was the one choosing to stay with Roy. And of course, I started defending Pam (right, girls?) and saying that she's been committed to this guy for so long that she was just trying to make the best of it and convince herself she was happy because at this point it probably felt like it would be too hard to split up with him. And then I explained that later on in the show, she does break up with Roy and start becoming an independent person who tries things on her own and says what's on her mind, and all this finally leads to her and Jim getting together.

And as I'm sitting there defending Pam, I feel like I'm talking about myself.

I always felt like I could relate to Pam, but I'd never explained it to someone else before. Saying it out loud was kind of funny because although I've never been engaged or walked across hot coals, I feel like in a less dramatic way I've been through a lot of the things the writers put Pam through in the show. The past four months especially. I got out of this "comfortable" but unhealthy relationship, and spent a lot of time by myself. I found some new things to try, like my yoga class (Pam had art class), and started focusing on taking care of myself, rather than someone else. I cut my hair. I started eating better. I strengthened old, reliable friendships and developed new ones. It finally clicked that I had just as much of a right as anyone to voice my opinions and feelings, and I started doing it. I started sticking up for myself more, and it followed that I could stick up for others too. I grew up a little bit, and realized I'm not a kid anymore, so I shouldn't let people treat me like one.

In the show, Pam and Jim have a conversation after Jim has left Scranton and Pam has left Roy. It's the first time they've talked since Jim left, and Pam fills him in on her new apartment and what she's doing with her life. And Jim calls her "Fancy New Beesly." Well, as cheesy as it might sound, I feel like I've been going through a little bit of a "Fancy New Beesly" stage myself, and kind of figured out who I am now that I'm out on my own.

And that phase isn't always fun, but it's the most powerful thing...it really makes you trust yourself. And then you know you can go to the next place in your life, but this time taking with you all of that strength that you know you have, and not letting anyone take any of that away from you.

And then you're ready for Jim.

See, he couldn't just save Pam. She had to figure it out herself; that she was letting everyone take her for granted because she was taking herself for granted. She had to remind herself that people were not allowed to take her for granted; that she was worth the recognition and respect she commanded from everyone afer she walked across the hot coals on Beach Day. And even though everyone made fun of her afterwards, she kept her head up and did not apologize for anything she said. All of that had to happen first, before Season 4.

For anyone who's reading this and hasn't watched much of the show, I'm sorry...this probably doesn't make sense. But you should just watch the show because not only will you get what I'm talking about, but you'll probably come close to peeing your pants at some point. For anyone who has watched, please don't think I'm some kind of psycho who goes around saying, "I'm JUST like Pam...OMG!!!" I'm not like that. I just love analogies, and the character of Pam just fits well with my own experiences in the past few months.

I refuse to be taken for granted. I'm nice, but I'm not a doormat. And now that I know that, I can fully appreciate someone who doesn't, and wouldn't, take me for granted. And the fact that that "someone" is cool, caring, cute, funny, and likeable doesn't hurt. :)


Oh, also, my name was on the board in the lobby of the station under "Anniversaries." I've been working there for a year now! It's crazy to think it was a year ago when I started part-time in production, splitting time between the station and the restaurant. And I know I started writing this blog not long after starting my job, so I guess that means my blog's one-year birthday is coming up! OK, it's almost 5:30 now. I'm going to watch some Drop Dead Gorgeous and try to get a little sleep.

Thanks for listening. Until later...

lis