scratching an itch

I feel really bad writing this.

I'm getting that itchy feeling of being on or near the edge of the dating world again. And I can't really explain it in a way that makes more sense. It's like, I feel like I'm getting dragged back there...and I'm like, "Oh God..." You know? I dunno. It's like a roller coaster--one of the ones where your feet are dangling, and there's nothing holding you in but that little seat with the harness, and you have to ride the whole thing upside down and backwards--it's like one of those roller coasters, and the people you're at the amusement park with are like, "Let's all ride it!" and you're like, "You guys ride, I'll watch and take pictures!" But they like, REALLY really want you to go with them, and even though you know it would probably be fun to go with everyone else, you still REALLY really feel like no one could ever pay you enough money to get on that ride.

So it's like, I just get this itchy feeling that people are starting to realize I'm single, and have been for awhile. But it's like, people sort of assume at that point that you're ready to jump back in or you're looking, or waiting, for something to happen. But I'm REALLY not. And it's not like anyone has really asked me out recently or anything, but...aggh I don't know how to explain it. It's just -- and I do NOT mean this to sound at all conceited -- but I keep worrying that someone's going to try to ask me on a date, and even though I know it would probably be fun, I just feel like I REALLY really don't wanna. I mean, in case anyone asks. Which they're not. But gah! I still feel itchy. And I just had to get that off my chest.

Sorry it doesn't make any sense! Whatever!!!!!!!