Autumn in La La Land

As long as I've lived in the Lafayette area, the arrival of fall -- and more specifically, October -- has excited me.

First of all, it's football season -- REAL football season, when the other Big Ten teams come to town. And even if we're losing (as we are this year), there's nothing like spending a Saturday at Ross Ade cheering on the Boilers. If you win, you want to hug everyone around you. And if you lose, well...there's plenty of beer back at the tailgate.

Secondly, this is the point of the year in Indiana when the weather actually starts to change. No more of this dilly-dallying between summer and autumn. No more wondering whether to wear shorts or jeans. Get out the scarves and hats and sweaters! The leaves are changing, falling, and crunching. The windows are open during the day. It's perfect sleeping weather. It's freaking fall.

And thirdly (and probably most importantly), it's Christmas show season.

Now, I've been out of college for like...over two years. So this doesn't even apply directly to my life anymore. But for four years, October meant the beginning of rehearsals for the spectacular Purdue Christmas Show. First was the unveiling meeting where we got to see for the first time what the set would look like and what songs were in the show. Right after that, rehearsals would start. And even though it meant no more free time between regular PMO rehearsals and classes and homework, it was the thing I loved best, and I soaked it up. I walked to class with the rehearsal music in my mp3 player, memorizing the arrangements to "O Holy Night" and "Sleigh Ride" as I passed the spookily decorated Greek houses and Halloween event sheet signs.

And even now, when October rolls around, I get that same urge to crunch across the leaf-strewn sidewalks, smelling Starbucks pumpkin lattes, and letting my headphones pump the sounds of Christmas into my brain.

Is that crazy? Yes. Is it cheesy? Yes. But also magical. And while I'm not the kind of person who starts putting up the tree before Thanksgiving or anything like that, I do enjoy my slightly brainwashed reaction to the change of seasons and the subsequent need for me to listen to a yuletide tune or two.

Home for Christmas (Show)

Pictures from my weekend during the 75th Anniversary Purdue Christmas Show, as promised!

Backstage during the show...




This is Clarice, who leaves her beautiful home in Hawaii every summer to spend the school year in West Lafayette studying engineering! She is the sound technician for the Purduettes and a total sweetheart!


In the green room with the Kids Choir!


The kids were fascinated with my camera and decided to take some pictures...serious close-up pictures! They were funny.


The view of an empty Elliott Hall from the stage.


Getting our line-up set before the show. It was so fun to meet all of these amazing alumni!


Back with old friends...


Israel, who like me works in TV and is also a Second City comedian in Chicago! So proud!


Greg, who is now married and expecting (well, his wife is expecting. He's not like that creepy dude on the news who got pregnant). He is going to be a great dad!


Kelly stopped by the alumni room to say hi on her way onstage. She was one of my little sisses when I was in Purduettes!


Chris, who now works for the Purdue Alumni Center. He and I will be doing a civic theatre show together this spring!


Jeff, who is engaged and getting married this spring. He is such a sweet guy and loves trying to imitate Will Farrell's Robert Goulet impression. GOULET!


Monica, my roommate for three years. She now works at PMO and is graduating at the end of this week!


Sunday afternoon I got to sit out in the house with my family and watch the show. Then I surprised my mom by being a part of the alumni set! She couldn't believe I kept it a secret from her...hehe!


The Purduettes and PMO Kids Choir onstage. The girls were, in my probably biased opinion, the best part of the show! I was so proud!


The Glee Club onstage.


After the last show, it's tradition to sing a song written for PMO, "There Will Always Be a Song." That definitely made me cry! What a memorable weekend!


Coming soon, more stories from the newsroom...it's been a busy week!

Until later!

vacation day five and the weekend that followed

I promise this won't be long because a) it's almost 3:00 AM, b) I am about to completely crash, and c) there is no possible way I can put into words how fantastic my Friday and Saturday have been!

I'll just say that this weekend I've been participating in the 75th Purdue Christmas Show as a member of the Alumni Chorus. Not only has it been a joy and a thrill to have the opportunity to be back on the Elliott stage for a Christmas Show, and to be surrounded by the beautiful voices of the Purduettes and Glee Club, but it's also been just overwhelming to get to relive these moments with some very dear friends I don't get to see very often.

Tonight in particular was fabulous...which is probably evident by the fact that I'm still up at this wee hour! But I don't think I can describe it verbally...when I get all my pictures loaded onto my computer, I'll just show you what a great weekend I've been having!

Until then...nighty night!

second day of vacation

I wonder if this is gonna turn into a song..."On the second day of vacation, my true love gave to me..."

Anyways...guess what. This is gonna be another email of random items.

A) So, last night I stayed up pretty late just because my little inner clock is a little confused right now. But that's ok. I had told the girl filling in for me at work that she could call me if she needed any help Sunday night, since I figured that would be her roughest night. And she definitely took me up on that! She called me FOUR TIMES between 11:40 PM and 1:30 AM. Haha! Nice to be needed, I guess. I'm just hoping that she'll be fine tonight and won't need her lifeline ;)

B) Something from Kelsey's blog that I need to do:

what's in my purse
This is tricky, since I switch purses a lot, but we'll go with my current staple purse...(because this could be a LOT longer and MORE random if I included all of my purses!)

-my little leather wallet with all the important things in it...DL, bank cards, insurance cards, my friend Chris's business card, and a ticket stub from "Four Christmases."
-a pack of Orbit Sweet Mint gum
-my camera in its case (I try to always have my camera with me...you never know!)
-my pocketbook (why do they call this a pocketbook; this would never fit in your pocket!) full of library cards, video rental cards, more insurance cards, and some expired "buyback bucks" from Follett's bookstore
-my pink alligator dayplanner book, with Mortar Board (yes, I still buy those), pink Sharpie, sticky notes, more people's business cards, thank-you notes, show schedules for PMO groups, and an autographed headshot of Mike P. that I was supposed to give to a girl in the marching band (oops)
-the holiday issue of "Helen" magazine (the only magazine for the women of Lafayette-West Lafayette and the surrounding areas! We do a tie-in segment with them on our show every week, hence the shameless plug!)
-my emergency make-up kit (blush, mascara, gloss, concealer, and eye-liner...it comes in handy after working overnight for eight hours when I have to go somewhere afterwards, or just when I need a little touching up. Wow, that makes me sound really high-maintenance.)
-a blank DVD-R (meant to record my live shot hits, but then I found out someone else is making a copy for me)
-a "Welcome!" brochure from the TCPL, since I got a library card there last week
-the program from IU Union Board's production of "Cabaret"
-the program from Harrison High School's production of "Alice in Wonderland"
-an almost-out tube of B&BW Japanese Cherry Blossom body cream (my favorite Bath & Body scent!)
-directions to a friend's house from this summer
-trash paper, which I will throw out now
-a heart-shaped Madagascar 2 pin I got for donating money at the movie theater
-some Burt's Bees Beeswax lipbalm
-check book
-ticket stub for "Alice in Wonderland"
-pen from PEFCU (or "Perrfcu" as I like to call it)

That's it. Next time I will do celebrity crushes, also from Kelsey's blog!

C) When I resigned my lease, the building offered a free carpet cleaning, which I signed up for. And it was supposed to happen either today or tomorrow, so I called the office today to find out when the cleaners were coming, because they had told us to get everything off of the carpet in the areas we wanted to be cleaned. The guy at the office said they'd be here today and possibly tomorrow, depending on how long it would take to get all the apartments cleaned that had been signed up.

"Is there a certain day you'd like yours done?" he asked.
"Today," I said. Then I put everything that could be moved up onto my table or my bed, and moved everything else to the bathroom or kitchen so it would be off of the carpet. I even put away everything that was under my Christmas tree so it wouldn't get in the way.

And unless these carpet people work evenings...they are not coming today.

I don't really want to move everything off of my bed just to move it back in the morning, so I'll just sleep on the couch tonight.

D) I went to auditions tonight for "Children of Eden" with civic theatre. I think it went OK. It's just hard to tell...I feel like my song could've been better, but it wasn't terrible. And they had me read some dialogue from the script, but there's not a lot of dialogue in the show, so I don't know how much they were able to get from hearing me say a few lines. I think it's always hard to get a good read on what the directors think. But whatever. The hard part now is trying not to think about it until they cast the show, which they said would be by the end of the week. A friend of mine auditioned too, and told me to call him when I was done, so I called him tonight and we were both just like, "OK, let's just not think about it or talk about it anymore." Haha. Luckily, I have a bunch of music I need to memorize for the Christmas Show this weekend, so that will keep me busy!

E) I made a list of things I wanted to get done today, and I got every single one crossed off! That makes me feel really good!

OK, that's all for today. Until later!

why am i still UP????

As I start writing this, it's ten after seven in the morning. This is what happens on Friday nights; I sleep my normal hours Friday after work, so then I wake up Friday evening still on my work schedule. If this were a work day, I'd have just finished my show and be writing cut-ins for the Early Show. But since it's Saturday, I'm laying in bed watching Arrested Development and seeing the sunlight increase through my bedroom window blinds.

I have a lot to accomplish today. At 10 this morning we have our station's first softball practice (although it may not be much of a practice; I guess there's a chance we won't even be able to get on the field). Still, I'm excited and yes, a little nervous, because I am not very athletic. And although I know no one is expecting anything out of me, I also know I'm going to have to play a lot since we have to have 4 girls play in every game and not very many girls are signed up. So I might try to find some sort of "Softball for Dummies" reference...I know, what kind of nerd does research on a sport she's about to play? Me, that's what kind.

Also, I have an audition coming up (Monday) for Civic Theater's summer season, and I am waaaay under-prepared. I need to find a monologue and a song. I've been looking through all my music here and I feel like I need to find something different. And I have absolutely NO monologues, so I'm going to go to the library today to find some. I think there is a good one from "Our Town" that I might try. It only has to be a minute long, so it shouldn't be too hard to work it up in the next couple of days.

Then the Glee Club's End of Season show is tonight. It should be fun; this will be my first time seeing the Glee Club without Brian Breed as the director, believe it or not, so I'm sure it will be interesting. Also, we just got the press release yesterday that PMO hired a new director, and apparently he'll be at the show, so it might be possible to meet him. I am sure a lot of Glee Club moms will be swarming him, so I doubt I'll actually get to speak with him, but it might be nice to meet his wife and kids, if the chance arises. Or not. To tell the truth, I'm just glad everything was still normal around there when I graduated, so I don't have to be as concerned with all the changes anymore.

And then tomorrow is Mother's Day, and I'm planning to go to my aunt's to have dinner with the rest of the family. Aunt Julie called and invited me, which made me feel really good (not that I wouldn't have been welcome, but it's just nice to get an invitation by phone...kind of makes me feel grown-up in a way, as silly as that may sound!) I would kind of like to do flowers for Mom, Jules, and Mamaw, but I need to figure out if I should do that today or what. I also want to find some really great cards...one of the bookshops near campus has greeting cards that make me wanna wet myself. So luckily, all of these errands are on the same side of town and hopefully I will accomplish them in decent time today! I just wish places were open earlier so I could get started now.

I wonder what time the library opens...

Where Are You, Christmas (Show)?

It's mid-October. It's starting to get cold. And the normal American is getting ready for Halloween.

I'm ready for Christmas.

For the past 4 years I have spent this time of year putting in serious time learning various arrangements of Christmas songs and carols for the Purdue Christmas Show. And before those 4 years, I was at least starting to learn a Christmas song or two for one choir concert or other. This year, I'm not doing that, and it's weird. There is definitely a void.

So today I had to give in to the urge and pop in an old Christmas Show rehearsal CD on my way home from work. I almost cried; I am really going to miss being in that show.

Don't get me wrong; it's fantastic not to have the stress and anxiety connected with preparing for a show of that magnitude. But Christmas Show was my favorite part of Purduettes, PMO, and Purdue. I spent all year getting excited about it, and I never got tired of rehearsing for it. When the curtain finally rose in front of a live audience, I was in my element. Nothing else will ever be like performing on that stage, and it's a little sad not to look forward to having that thrill this year.

On the other hand, I am building up anticipation to being in the audience for the first time since I was in high school. I will definitely have a different kind of appreciation for it now that I've been a part of it. And maybe I'll get to sing with the alumni onstage during the carol sing.

P.S. -- I finished training for the producer job today. I did the whole show by myself, pretty much, and it went well! I am excited about flying solo come Sunday night. I really need to watch "Anchorman" again...so many references come to mind now that I'm writing what goes in the teleprompter and dealing more directly with the anchors, but they don't come to mind as readily as they should. I've forgotten a lot from that movie. Time to brush up!

Well, it's past my bedtime. Merry Christmas and a Happy Halloween!

And We're Baaaack!

Just back during some downtime at the station to update on a couple things. As you know if you've been reading, I'm addicted to BB8, and it's really starting to get intense. One contestant is Eric, America's Player, which means that he is sort of "controlled" by anyone who wants to vote in the U.S., and they submit votes every week to tell him who to try to put up for eviction nominations, and most importantly, who to vote out of the house. This is hard for Eric, because he came into the house with his own game plan and now has to modify to what America requests from him, and the last two eviction elections, America told him to vote against his alliance, which was very risky. Well, everyone in the house sort of figured out that it was he who was casting the wayward votes, and last week Daniele as HOH had a personal vendetta to get Eric out of the house. He was almost back-doored, but some loyal alliance votes saved him...for this week. Now his best friend in the house, Jessica, is HOH, which would be good for him except that she really questions her ability to trust him after all the talk last week.

Here is where I have to say...America, what are you doing?! I know some people have said they don't like Eric, and I'm sure that some are trying to sabotage him to get him out of the house, but I think that once that happens, all those voters will regret it, because now they will have nothing to do but sit and watch the show, having no input or feeling of control with the show. Furthermore, the whole reason Daniele went on her campaign anyway is because during an endurance competition in the backyard, someone flew over the BB house with a banner saying that Eric was a liar. If it weren't for negative outside influence, Eric would still be playing the game without any backlash like he's getting now. My personal opinion is that Eric is kind of a tool, but I have to admire the way he plays the game, incorporating his assigned tasks with his own style. He's smart, and he deserves to stay in the game because he's playing it smart. Now everyone thinks he voted the way he did because he was trying to set someone up, but the truth is that he was just doing what he had to do as part of the game. I can't wait to see what happens when Dick and Daniele find out Eric's role in this game.

Enough about that! I know it's kind of lame to be into that kind of stuff, but it's fun, and it's all that I get on TV besides crime shows. CBS needs to run more sitcoms, by the way. We've got three different CSIs, Without a Trace, Cold Case, Close to Home, Ghost Whisperer, 48 Hours Mystery, NCIS, and The Unit. Gimme a break, I need something fun to watch!

Current music tastes: I've been listening to Christmas music (already getting excited for the Purdue Christmas Show as usual) and any other recordings of PMO, just because I'm excited to see upcoming shows as the new season begins. I also feel like the Christmas music may help me think chilly thoughts and stay a little cooler during this heat wave! (I feel bad complaining about the heat; Michelle is in the middle east and I know it's hotter there than it is here!)

Movies I'm into at the moment: Anything by the Chris Guest/Eugene Levy troupe (Best in Show, Waiting for Guffman, A Mighty Wind, This is Spinal Tap). I just watched Spinal Tap for the first time and it was great! So funny to see these guys when they were younger! I'd like to get my own copy of Waiting for Guffman, and I'd also like to find the new one they made last year called "For Your Consideration," but I haven't seen either anywhere. I also decided yesterday that I should own more musicals. All I have is The Wizard of Oz and High School Musical (does that really count?), so last night I went to Target and bought "Hello, Dolly!" and "The Wiz." I love Dolly...I think if I could ever have a dream role, that would be it, that meddling, fast-talking lady! I was actually in The Wiz in high school, and the movie is so much cooler, and Ryan had expressed a desire to see it awhile back, and it was only five bucks, so that's why I got that one.

Final notes: Today at the restaurant it was so busy that nobody got to leave until the night time shift got there, and even then everyone was there for about an hour getting everything caught up. I was finally excused at 5:00 because I was supposed to have been at the station at 4! With freshman orientation around the corner, everyone was in town for the "last supper" and, apparantly, everyone decided to come to our restaurant! At one point this afternoon, I thought, "I hate this restaurant." Let's just say if you want to know how I like my job, ask me tomorrow! I am still in my uniform right now; I didn't go home to change over the dinner break after the first newscast because I wanted to stay to make up the hour I lost while at the restaurant. And look what I'm doing! Clearly, it's a slow night at the TV station.

That's all for me today. Really.

Lis

Moving In and Moving On

I am "officially" moved in to my apartment now! (I still have a mess of boxes and other stuff in my closet to deal with, but the point is...it's in the closet.) I even have my phone line working! Ryan called me yesterday, dialing my new number for the first time ever! I still have to get my internet set up in the new place, but I did move my computer and it is up and running, and now it really feels like home. I know, I'm such a nerd that I didn't feel at home until I could use my computer! Pictures to come, I promise!

No-Name Betta Fish is doing well; is it wrong of me to enjoy putting his bowl on top of a mirror sometimes to watch him fight with himself? I just love how big his fins get; they're like big streamers! Yesterday I stuck the end of a pen in the water just to mess with him, and his gills flared out. He didn't attack the pen, though. I haven't given him an official name. I call him Phin a lot, though, and I think he's getting used to it (she's craaaay-zeee....).

Ryan is going back to Glee Club and being a full-time student. I am so proud of him, especially because of the road he's taken to get to this point. I'm trying not to be too overbearing while still showing enthusiasm. I can hardly help it; I think it's a bad combination of me not going back to PMO this year and Ryan being on his way back in...if I'm not careful I'll be trying to live vicareously through him! And I don't want that to happen. I definitely want this to be his own experience. I'm so excited to go see his shows, though.

It's not really that weird that I'm not going back to school--I really like it! It is weird not going back to Purduettes. I still say "we" in reference to the Purduettes, which I'm sure won't wear off for a long time. Hey, I'm proud to be a part of that legacy. I'm not really sad about any of it, just happy to get to experience it a different way; visiting, going to shows, etc.

OK, time to make some TV. Pictures to come!

Graduating

I have sat through two commencement ceremonies a year for the past four years here at Purdue, because the Purduettes sing at the winter commencements. Here at Purdue, the ceremonies are split up because there are so many thousands of people graduating that it would be impossible to fit everyone and their parents in one ceremony at Elliott Hall, which, by the way, seats over 6,000 people. So in the winter they split it into two ceremonies, and in the spring they split it into four. Just to give you a picture. Each one is about two hours long, and there are so many people that only the graduate and doctorate degrees get their names read; everyone getting a bachelor’s or associate’s degree gets to see his name up on a screen with about ten other people as he walks across the stage. Which, don’t get me wrong, is pretty cool.

I just figured, knowing how boring and long and impersonal these things could be, it wouldn’t mean a whole lot to me.

I knew it meant a lot to my family, and hey, they knew what to expect. My mom and dad both graduated from Purdue. And if it was important to them, I’d try to make it a special day. Ryan even pointed out to me what a great accomplishment it was.

“You’re the only person I’m this close to who has ever graduated from college,” he said. “It’s a big deal.” And he was absolutely right.

It’s not like I didn’t want to go through graduation…I just wasn’t really excited about it.

Plus, it was weird; none of my Purduette classmates were graduating with me. Beth has another semester, and Laura still has more school. Meghan was going to go through graduation, but I didn’t know what section she was in, so as far as I knew, I would show up at the armory, get in line, and go through the ceremony with a bunch of strangers that I had apparently been going to school with over the last four years. It wasn’t like high school graduation, where you’re with all your friends, and all the teachers are there, and everyone knows you. I’d be lucky if the Glee Club guys, who were going to be singing onstage, would catch me as I walked by.

When my family arrived, it felt like something out of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Marla popped her head in the door to give me about a ten-second warning that everyone was here. Then in came Mom, Dad, Mamaw, and Papaw, with hugs, questions, and comments. Mamaw immediately pounced on the graduation robe I had laid out on my bed and began wishing she’d brought her steamer.

“Well, I bet we could iron it right here on the bed,” she offered. I told her no, thanks, because no one else’s was going to look any better, and from where everyone was sitting they wouldn’t be able to tell if it had wrinkles anyway. I was almost ready when they all got there, but not quite, so then I had the fun of people watching me get ready. For some reason, this is a pet peeve of mine. I think it’s because I worry that the person watching me is thinking, “Is she really going to do her hair like that?”

Finally it was time to go to the ceremony. I had to be at the armory, next door to the Hall of Music, an hour before the ceremony, and everyone else was going to go find seats. At the armory, Dad helped me put my little white collar on my robe while Mom and Mamaw corrected my placement of my cap on my head. Marla, who was taking pictures of all of this, told me I looked pissed off, and I knew my lack of excitement and slight irritation at all the nitpicky attention was coming through loud and clear. I had to at least try to act as excited as they all were.

That’s when Katy showed up.

Katy was my roommate and instant best friend our freshman year at Purdue. She was getting ready to graduate with a degree in English Education, and soon after would find out she’d been offered a teaching job in a high school near Indianapolis. She was a member of the Delta Gamma sorority and about a year ago talked Marla into rushing. Marla joined DG, and Katy took her under her wing from the very beginning, doing everything from pairing Marla with the perfect match of a Big Sis in the house to teaching Marla how to tease back her hair.

I can’t tell you how glad I was to see Katy. Just like when she showed up in our dorm room during orientation week with all of her cute dorm accessories and reminded me how fun and adventurous college life was going to be, she showed up in front of the armory asking my dad for help with her collar, since he’d figured out mine, and wanting pictures of the two of us together, and she reminded me how special it was going to be to finish this fun and adventurous time and start off on a new one of even greater significance.

Katy and I went inside and parted ways to sign in. Get this—we had to get a sticker with our names and numbers next to them so we’d know who to stand behind in alphabetical order! I felt like one of the calves at my grandma’s farm when my parents and aunt and uncle are working cattle; I might as well have had a tag in my ear. Wouldn’t that be funny? All the tags in colors to match our tassels representing our schools and degrees!

I was trying to find which line to get into when I saw standing together Ashley from the Purdue Bells in PMO, Lindsey, who used to go to my high school, and Amanda, a former Purduette classmate. The three of them were standing together and talking, and as they greeted me enthusiastically, I got the feeling that this kind of was like high school graduation…all of your classmates waiting in the gym, checking to see if someone’s cap is straight or if someone’s hair doesn’t look too goofy under the cap. I finally found my check-in line, and when I got to the front, who was there to sign me in but Colleen Williams, the academic advisor who had helped me schedule my classes every semester and who never let me completely commit academic suicide by taking on too much.

“Oh, you got your hair cut!” she said as she found my sticker and patted it onto the shoulder of my black robe. I smiled. She was like the teacher who always helped you out during high school, even if you didn’t have a class with her.

I lined up, it turned out, behind a guy I had met my first semester at Purdue. He remembered me, so it was really fun to be within speaking distance of a previous acquaintance. A few more people ahead of him stood Amanda, which was also a comfort. And after some final instructions about when and where to stand, sit, or walk, we began the ceremony.

We all paraded out of the armory and past the Hall of Music and the bell tower. Then we took a lap around the Engineering Mall as people stood outside waving and taking pictures. There was something really cool about taking this walk down sidewalks you’d hurried across so many times as a student, only this time at a leisurely pace and in a cap and gown. It made me feel the finality of walking in these places as a student for the last time. And I realized that this was the part I had never seen before when I sat through those winter commencements.

This was the special part. This was the part of the ceremony that was for me.

The rest was for Mom and Dad, Mamaw and Papaw. The speeches were great, the music was beautiful, and the university president, who knew me through Purduettes and a scholarship group I had been in as a freshman, made a point to get up out of his chair and meet me onstage as I walked across. He gave me a hug and shook my hand and asked what I would be doing after graduation, and he wished me good luck. I think it was a special ceremony weekend for him as well; he was retiring from Purdue at the end of the school year.

The two hours of commencement were gorgeous, and they meant a lot more to me than I could of imagined. But whenever I think back to the day I graduated from Purdue, it won’t be the stage full of glee clubbers, band members, faculty, and trustees that I will remember. For me, it will be that stretch of pavement between Elliott Hall and the engineering buildings, where I last walked as a student at Purdue.

Growing Up

A week from yesterday I will graduate from Purdue. I did it in 4 years, and I did it while devoting more of my time to an extra-cirricular singing ensemble than to my studies. Not a whole lot of people can say that, and I’m proud of myself.

The thing is, now I’m done with school. For the rest of my life.

I’m freaked out.

For the past sixteen years, the same thing has happened. I’ve turned another year older on the day before, of, or after the first day of school. Then I’ve made good grades, good friends, and good memories in the course of nine months. Then I’ve celebrated not going back to school until the day before, of, or after my next birthday. I knew what was coming with that next birthday: another year of school. But my next birthday is in a little over three months, and I have no idea what it will bring with it.

The hardest part about it is that everyone else around me seems to know where they will be in the next couple of years. My older sister, Michelle, is a graduate of Notre Dame’s Navy ROTC scholarship program, and her first 4 years of life outside of college were planned since her freshman year at St. Mary’s. She’s stationed in Pearl Harbor, where she is planning on staying for the remaining two years of her active duty. Oh yeah, did I mention that ROTC scholarships pretty much pay your entire tuition? My younger sister, Marla, just wrapped up her sophomore year in the pre-veterinary program, so she knows she’ll be at school for a loooong time. And now there’s me, the communications major, who got a couple $1000 scholarships here and there, but other than that pretty much freeloaded off of my parents for four years, didn’t manage to save up any money, and is now officially in debt for a car they had to help me buy?

I digress. Also among the people in my life who know where they’re going is Beth, my best friend and roommate, who got engaged last December to her boyfriend of 3 years. He is an engineer, so he’s already making more than I’ll ever dream of making unless I somehow get famous, and he’s living in Sacramento in an apartment that Beth will share with him when they get married next February. Beth is an English education major and has a semester of student teaching ahead of her, and then she knows where she’ll be living, whom she will be with for the rest of her life, and how she’s going to pay for stuff.

Finally, my boyfriend, Ryan, is already making more than I dare to hope I will this year, and he has two years of college under his belt so far. He is a youth director and recently took a full-time job as a church supply consultant for a Christian bookstore here in town. He also wants to go to seminary after he finishes his undergrad in religious studies. I envy Ryan because he can support himself and he’s two years younger than I am. It’s not fair of me to envy him because the fact that he can support himself is also a point of stress for him, as it is becoming for me.

I think the grass is always greener on the other side. I think, “If I only had a job.” Then I get a job and I think, “If I only had a job that paid better so I could support myself, pay my own bills, and not have to be in debt.” I’m sure it never ends. Right now I feel like being married would solve all my problems and make me feel stable and secure, but I also know that LOTS more stressors come with marriage. I think the whole key to growing up is getting yourself to believe that you’re ready to deal with the responsibilities, and the stress that goes with them.

Here’s one great thing: I do have a job. It’s only part time, which means I need to find another job to make the “real” money, but the great thing about this one is it’s exactly where I want to be. It’s my dream starter job. (So why am I complaining, right?!) I am a production assistant at the local TV station. It’s a great opportunity and a foot in the door for me, a girl trying to make it in the television business. I’m getting training and experience, and I get to stay in familiar surroundings near my family and my boyfriend. The challenge will be proving to myself that I can be independent amongst all of this support. That might not make any sense, so let me put it this way—I just want to prove to myself that I can do it on my own.

I love, love, love working at the TV station. Everyone is so nice, even the anchors and sports people and meteorologists. Everyone is willing to help you out. It’s a great place to learn. And on top of all that, I’m one of the lucky few who graduate and immediately gets a job in their field of choice. And the fact that I love my new job so much reassures me that I’m really in the right place. Still, I think I have this fear of never living up to my full potential, which is why I have this whole “grass is greener” complex.

Becoming a grown-up just makes things more complicated. I was working in the church nursery this morning and talking to Abby, a five-year-old who is very free-spirited and comes in almost every Sunday singing improvisational songs. At some point in our conversation this morning, I asked Abby what she wanted to be when she grew up.

“Well, I think I’d like to be a movie star, or a pop star,” she said casually. “Or a princess.”

“Let me know how that works out for you,” I said.

It immediately got me thinking, why do we give up on those things? Or do we really? I still want to be a movie star or a pop star. Or a princess! It’s not impossible to be those things. At least, not as impossible as we grown-ups think. I mean, I’ve accomplished those things on some small level in college. I had a small role in a classmate’s film class project…I played a dead body. But people totally recognized me when it was screened at the local movie theater. And as a member of Purdue Musical Organizations, I’ve sung in front of thousands and thousands of people. And I’ve been on PBS for the last three years, and this Christmas will be the fourth! So I’m a pop star of sorts, I guess. The only thing I haven’t been is a princess. But since my chances of entering a beauty pageant ever again are slim to none, I think I can kiss that ambition goodbye. Although I did the Miss Purdue pageant this year and I tied with another girl for the Spirit Award. I actually think I like that better than getting a crown anyway.

I think as we get older, our ideals of possibility shrivel up after too much exposure to reality. And we start to worry about where the money will come from, instead of knowing that we’re going to get our daily bread. I know I forget that a lot. Ryan had to remind me tonight.

I should be thankful that I’ve got a job where I get to do something I love and where I have promise of opportunities and growth, and I shouldn’t give up or worry that this start isn’t good enough. I shouldn’t settle for less than what I really want to be, and I shouldn’t freak out about how long it’s going to take me to get there.

I think that between Abby and Ryan, I got the best reality check of all today.