engaged

"Do you have the wing?"
~Impressive Clergyman, The Princess Bride

I just found out via Facebook this week that two more of my friends are engaged! This super-sweet guy I know from high school...and it's really awesome that he popped the question. I'm very happy for him. And a girl I knew from various campus activities in college. And she is one of the nicest people I know, so of course I'm happy for her.

But are you kidding me?!

Who ISN'T engaged, or married? Oh, that's right. Me! And the thing is, I'm not in a hurry for that to happen; I'm enjoying this whole experience of living on my own, focusing on getting my career started, making new friends, and trying to do some growing up in preparation for being ready for whomever I end up marrying someday. It's not like I go around all day looking at my left hand and feeling like something is missing there. It's just that every time I find out about another friend getting engaged, married, or having a baby, I get this little pang in my heart--"I want that!" It's like when you see someone with a dog. I want a dog. But I don't think about it 24-7. I do think about it when I see someone with a dog. And I know that's something I want eventually, not right at this very moment, but hopefully within a matter of years.

It's just kind of funny; I'm one of the oldest in my graduating class, so I was the first one to have everything happen to me. I was always sort of leading the way with those little landmarks of life. But now it seems like I'm the one watching it happen to everyone else. Like everyone else is driving around in new cars and I'm still waiting to get my driver's license. It's like playing a board game, and you keep having to skip a turn while everyone else is getting way ahead and winning.

Anyway, this isn't something I worry about a ton. It's just like a little alarm goes off each time I find out someone else is moving on to that next spot on the board. If only I could roll a 2 or a 5!!! No, just kidding, I don't even know of any games that make you skip a turn until you roll a 2 or a 5. But sometimes it does feel that way. I know I just need to keep doing what I'm doing, be patient, be wise, pray about it, and enjoy my present circumstances, because if I try to blast past this part of my life I know I will regret it later.

Things are better now than they've ever been. I don't want to come off as anxious or discontented with where I am in life right now. I know that the things I'm experiencing right now are not too big or too small, but "just right," and I'm so thankful for that. Actually, I feel like I have a sense of clarity and self-awareness that I haven't had in a long time. I feel more and more like I know who I am, and what I'm about. I know when I started this blog I felt kind of lost in several aspects of my life. But now it just seems like things are lining up...like, rather than me trying to force all the pieces to fit, I'm just being true to myself and they are fitting where they are supposed to. And that gives me great hope in the future. I think great things are ahead!

But I swear, if I have to hear about one more engagement...

Just kiddin'.

Until later!
lis

a lot of crazy

Oh my gosh...I just read this blog post by a friend of mine and it was saying a lot of stuff that I totally relate to right now. He was saying that he felt like everyone he knew was getting engaged or married, and did he miss the boat, and how hard it is to have faith that God will take care of it.

Well, I started to reply on his blog with a comment, and it turned into a really LONG comment, and then I realized I was letting out a lot of crazy, so I decided that all this crazy belonged on my blog, not his! So here it is...

There are all these girls I know from the Purduettes who have gotten engaged this year; and some of them are seniors this year...and I remember being a freshman and thinking "I'll probably be engaged by the time I'm getting ready to graduate" and although I don't really have any regrets about how I spent my time in college, I kind of have that feeling of "point of no return" where it's like, well I can't meet someone at school anymore because I'm not AT school; I'm not IN this incubator full of people my age. It might be weird to date someone I work with, and anyway it's not like there are a bunch of single people my age walking around the station. (Actually, pretty much everyone else my age is married or engaged anyway...which just reinforces that feeling of "did I miss something here?")

And it's not like I'm the type of person to go to a bar to meet people...I kind of feel like I want to be friends with someone first so I know what I'm getting into. But then, is that because I am hoping whatever relationship I start to turn into a marriage eventually? Should I think about it that way, or just cool it and try not to look that far forward? And it IS hard to have faith that things will work out...I'm sure God is like, "Lisa, you are screwing this up on your own...just let me handle it." But I think the great part is that He still lets us make these decisions, KNOWING that we're going to make the wrong ones sometimes. It just makes me wonder where everything is headed...I guess I'm excited for whatever lies in store for me. One of my best girls and I used to say all the time that if the relationships we were in weren't meant to be, whatever God has planned for us will be even better...so things can only get better however you look at it! So that makes me optimistic.

An elderly guy who works at the station asks me every couple of weeks if I've gotten a new boyfriend yet. And I always say no. And then he always says, "Well, that's not something you can just go to Walmart and pick off of a shelf, is it?" No, it's not. And then he always says, "But it is one of those things you find when you're not looking for it." Which is so true. I hate pursuing relationships. I love kind of...just discovering them. Or being a little surprised by a turn of events that leads to something I never would've guessed possible.

But it would be nice if I stumbled into something here in the next couple of years...I mean I WOULD like to have kids before I'm 40!

More crazy on the way. Until then!
Lis