seeking: jim halpert

One thing I love about being a single gal with no agenda for marriage is setting my dating standards very high on a few specific things (maybe solely for the sake of avoiding dating altogether...haha). Anyway, I thought it might be fun to make a list of these traits, however unrealistic they may seem:

1. You must have good hair. I know you can't control the way your hair grows out of your head, but I can't control the fact that I'm picky about hair. So if you've got weird cowlicks, bald patches, or you like to shave patterns into your scalp, you're not the guy for me.

2. Wanna go fishing? Good! Look, I grew up going to fishing workshops and learning how to put a worm on a hook. I spend every summer sitting for hours in a boat waiting for a scaly, dumb animal with short-term memory loss to bite so I can reel him in, slice him open, and eat him for supper. If you can't handle that, we're done here.

3. You must know more about cars than I do. I know some guys who can't check their own oil, much less change it. That's not to say I change my own oil, but I'm not paying some dude at Jiffy Lube to do something we should be able to do at home in the garage. Side note: I'd love to restore a vintage car someday, even though I have no knowledge of how to do this. So I'm depending on you to be able to teach me or at least learn together.

4. You MUST NOT make me watch scary movies, or movies with excessive violence. If you care about me AT ALL, you will know that to do such a thing would be mental and emotional torture for someone like me. I don't care if it's a "classic." I don't need to see it.

5. You will be expected to take me to the ballet on occasion. Not all the time, just maybe once a year to see The Nutcracker. Do you hate this as much as I hate scary movies? Maybe. Will watching a ballet make you afraid to go to sleep because of the terrible dreams you know you're going to have that night? I highly doubt it. Dudes in tights are not that scary.

6. You will also be expected to go see plays and musicals with me. Hopefully, you will actually enjoy the theatre, so this won't be a problem. But even if it's not really your thing, guess what. It's MY thing. And we're going. In return, I promise to become the biggest, most dedicated fan, spectator, and cute apparel-wearer of whatever professional sports team you worship most. I have no serious loyalties to any pro basketball, football, or especially baseball teams, so I will willingly adopt your preferences in those areas.

7. You must not ever tell me you wish I had different color hair, skin, eyes, longer legs, smaller boobs, sharper sense of smell, better comedic timing, or otherwise wish to alter any trait about me that I cannot control. As you will notice in article one, if there is something physical you will not tolerate about a person, you should just cut 'em loose from the get-go. Don't get into this and then decide you want to make changes that can't (or won't) be made.

8. You must enjoy philosophical debates about stupid stuff. I don't like to argue about politics, religion, or ethics. But I will pick a fight about whether or not Princess Bride is a chick flick. And if that happens, you have to indulge me without getting too serious about it and actually getting mad.

9. You need to be honest about your singing abilities. If you're an amazing singer, please admit it gracefully. Don't make me reassure you every second of the day that you can sing. If you're decent, don't talk about your voice like you're the next Frank Sinatra or something, because you're not and you'll embarrass me. If you can't sing, don't be scared; just fess up and I won't make you do karaoke with me. I will like you more if you're a bad singer and admit it than if you think you're a really good singer and you're not.

10. You must be able to dress, but you should not look cuter than me. This is kind of like the singing thing; if you need help picking stuff out, just tell me and I'll help you. If you're good at putting it together and you want to help me out, fine! But don't get competitive about it and try to look more awesome than me. That's not what this is about. Besides, you should want to show me off, not show yourself off.

11. You must be creative about gift-giving. I'm not about bouqets of roses, piles of jewelry, fancy restaurants, or other stereotypically "romantic" gestures. Remember, you're talking to a girl who wants you to sit with her in an aluminum boat and shove dirty worms onto metal hooks for endless hours. You're also talking to a girl who likes ballets, musicals, and other forms of live entertainment. I'm not asking for extravagance, I'm asking for originality and, most of all, sincerity. Just put some thought, humor, and personality into it and I'll be happy.

12. Just be willing to do anything and everything to make me happy. Even if that means letting me win, swallowing your pride, and picking your battles from time to time. I promise I'll do the same for you.

OK, that's my list. What do you think...am I asking too much? :)