WANTED: Fake Boyfriend

While I for the most part enjoy not having to deal with relationships, the biggest drawback of my currently single lifestyle is that it's very difficult to get out of my apartment and do things without feeling like a total loner. I mean, don't get me wrong...I'll go do something by myself. But it's usually more fun to have someone to go with. The problem with being a 20-something is that it seems to be harder at this point in life to be spontaneous and just say, "Hey, want to go to a movie tonight?" or "Hey, want to go downtown for this art and spaghetti festival?" or, "Hey, want to try that new Irish-Mexican place where Applebees used to be?"

It's like, people either already have plans, or they have to go to bed early, or they live in a different state, or they're married. And nothing against married people or folks with early bedtimes...it's just that I don't often plan social engagements far in advance and I just wish I had a guaranteed go-to guy for these and similar situations.

Well anyway, I've been looking for my next job recently, so I decided to put my wish for a fake boyfriend in the language I've been reading most lately:

WANTED: Fake Boyfriend
JOB TYPE: Temporary (6 to 9 months), Part-time/Internship

JOB DESCRIPTION: Going to movies and trying new restaurants with me; accompanying me to weddings, parties, and live performance events; coming with me to any sort of get-together that includes other couples so I don’t have to be the third/fifth/or other such odd-numbered wheel; occasionally staying in to watch DVDs with me; occasionally joining me and my dog for walks.

JOB REQUIREMENTS:
*Bachelor’s degree or similar life experience.
*Must be employed, so when people ask me what you do I don’t have to tell them you’re “exploring your options.”
*Must be willing to work flexible hours, especially weekends.
*Must be willing to attend local theatre, music, and art events as well as dine at local restaurants.
*Ideal candidate has a working knowledge of such TV shows as 30 Rock and The Office.
*Ideal candidate also has a working knowledge of Arrested Development and Dorm Life, as well as films such as Best in Show and Waiting for Guffman.
*Proficiency in giving shoulder massages a plus.
*Good listening skills and good hair a must.
*Ideal candidate possesses the ability to make me laugh.

Looking for a candidate who is positive, self-sufficient, and is not looking for an actual romantic connection or any kind of long-term arrangement. Lengthy and/or frequent phone conversation is discouraged, as is gift-giving, jealousy, and picking fights. This is an unpaid internship, but counts toward your credit as good boyfriend material in future relationships and will provide you with several opportunities to gain experience as a gentleman. To apply, please send resume, cover letter, head-shot, and one letter of recommendation to lisa.stanforth@gmail.com.

Whiners and d-bags need not apply!
Lis :)