Preface: For this post I ask you to welcome a guest writer -- me. At age 15. A few weeks ago I went home to help my mom clean out old stuff in my room. I brought back with me a stack of journals. I've journaled through most of my life (it's why I blog now), and these notebooks have held priceless value for me through the years. I grew up being really private about my feelings for some reason, and these journals are where I let all those feelings out. I was terrified someone else would read them and think I was stupid. Now, ten years later, I'm actually proud of a lot of what I wrote. So I'm publishing parts of them here...finally giving the girl who wouldn't tell anyone anything the opportunity to share her innermost thoughts with the rest of the world.
These are some entries from the journal I started just before my freshman year of high school... The following is about the upcoming Christmas dance; my first semi-formal dance ever. I will add that I had a list of guy friends in here that I was planning to ask. Rather than wait to be asked, I guess? I was a badass. I'll also add that I didn't even have crushes on any of these guys; I had already bought a dress so it was really just all about finding a date. These poor boys' names have been changed to Muppets to protect the innocent/engaged/married.)
About the Christmas Dance...here's the plan [later I wrote in notes about each]:
1. Burt (not going as of yet. Fun guy!)
2. Telly (he's not going. Already asked 2 girls but no.)
3. Gonzo (he likes me?)
4. Ernie (he'd be so much fun!) [later I changed the order, "switching" Ernie and Gonzo.]
5. Kermit (does he have a date???)
~~~
Some confusion, but the order has switched. I'll ask Burt Monday. If he says no, I'll ask Telly Tuesday/Wednesday. If Telly says no, I'll ask Ernie on Friday. If Ernie says no, I'll ask Gonzo on the next Wednesday. If Gonzo says no, I'll find out if Kermit has a date...if he doesn't, I'll ask him. If he says no...woah, that's 5 guys. I'll stop there and if those five guys fall through, I'll think of some more! (Do I sound desparate for a date? [Yes, 15-year-old Lisa, I think you do.] Well I'm not -- I just want to go with a good guy friend and have fun at the dance!!!)
~~~
I wonder if Ernie was thinking about asking me. We talk a lot and stuff -- he was saying how he was going to get hooked up with this girl from Kokomo, but today he was like, "Well I heard that she's really weird.." and he sounded doubtful. Then this afternoon at the end of school he stopped at my locker. He was staying after for wrestling -- and he was just kinda small talking and stuff...then he's like, "Well...I guess I better go." He followed some of the guys on their way to the lockers.
I just wonder if he was going to ask me??? This does not go anywhere, I'm not telling anyone [made a note later: "told Rachel"], I just think. If Ernie does want to ask me, I hope he does it really soon! Because what if I ask Burt and then he doesn't get to ask...aaagh. Maybe I should just ask Ernie first. He'd be so fun, he can dance...Every time the phone rings, I hope it's Ernie or Burt or Telly calling to ask me to go, God, let me go to the dance! Pleeeease!
~~~
Eeeeeeeeeeee!! :) Wishes do come true! Ernie asked me to go to the dance. The first thing I thought was, "Am I dreaming?" So anyway, life is sweet! It was great how (the way) he asked me -- just the way I'd have asked him -- like almost the same words! Ha! I'm getting so excited for the Christmas dance!!!
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5 comments:
My heart is just going out to your 15 year old self! That sounds pretty close to what I would've written, except you sound a lot more stable.
I think my of my journal entries involved things like, "WHY DON'T I HAVE A BOYFRIEND???"
Yikes.
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