thumper

One of my favorite lines from the Disney classic Bambi is a mantra Thumper recites in a way so adorable I'll never forget it:



"If ya can't say somethin' nice...don't say nothin' at all."

Well, Thumper, I have a new one:

"If you can't say something nice, don't make something up."

Right? I feel like sometimes nice people get into a nasty habit of coming up with something nice to say even (and especially) when they don't mean it. I don't mean saying "good job" to someone who just sang the national anthem about a step and a half off-key. I mean saying to that person, "Wow, you were really great! You have such a wonderful voice!"

Because it's one thing to be polite, but it's something else completely to just be needlessly dishonest.

Remember in Mean Girls when Rachel McAdams told that one girl that she loved her skirt, but then turned around and told Lindsay Lohan that was "the ugliest effing skirt I've ever seen?" So why did she make a point to compliment the skirt in the first place?

I realize not everyone is trying to be a Regina George, but what ARE we trying to accomplish when we say stuff like that? I've always wondered if it was some sort of knee-jerk reaction to thinking something mean or negative. Do people think an unkind thought, and then immediately spit out a compliment to morally redeem themselves? Or do they open their mouth, realize they're about to say something rude, and instead make a last-minute turn in the opposite direction?

Maybe no one else gets why I'm so riled up about this...It just bugs me that sometimes people seem to go out of their way to say something nice when they really don't mean it. And then it makes me wonder if anything nice they've ever said to me is even true. I would rather they not try to make me feel good than falsely flatter me.

Of course, if you just have to spit out whatever uncharitable thought you were thinking and you have a faithful friend who won't tell anybody about it, there's always Clairee's variation of the "if you can't say something nice' mantra:


"If you can't say something nice about anybody, come sit by me!"

That one works too. ;)