scratching an itch

I feel really bad writing this.

I'm getting that itchy feeling of being on or near the edge of the dating world again. And I can't really explain it in a way that makes more sense. It's like, I feel like I'm getting dragged back there...and I'm like, "Oh God..." You know? I dunno. It's like a roller coaster--one of the ones where your feet are dangling, and there's nothing holding you in but that little seat with the harness, and you have to ride the whole thing upside down and backwards--it's like one of those roller coasters, and the people you're at the amusement park with are like, "Let's all ride it!" and you're like, "You guys ride, I'll watch and take pictures!" But they like, REALLY really want you to go with them, and even though you know it would probably be fun to go with everyone else, you still REALLY really feel like no one could ever pay you enough money to get on that ride.

So it's like, I just get this itchy feeling that people are starting to realize I'm single, and have been for awhile. But it's like, people sort of assume at that point that you're ready to jump back in or you're looking, or waiting, for something to happen. But I'm REALLY not. And it's not like anyone has really asked me out recently or anything, but...aggh I don't know how to explain it. It's just -- and I do NOT mean this to sound at all conceited -- but I keep worrying that someone's going to try to ask me on a date, and even though I know it would probably be fun, I just feel like I REALLY really don't wanna. I mean, in case anyone asks. Which they're not. But gah! I still feel itchy. And I just had to get that off my chest.

Sorry it doesn't make any sense! Whatever!!!!!!!

Reality, Reviews, and Randomness

I haven't posted anything lately, and I don't really have anything in particular that I wanted to blog about, so this is gonna be pretty random.

Firstly, let's do a little reality recap.

The Bachelorette
I know, right??? That was over so long ago, but I need to dish about it one last time! I had a feeling DeAnna would pick Jesse just because she always seems to do what we wouldn't expect her to. And I think it's funny that she keeps saying how important her family is to her, because I'm pretty sure she picked the guy her family liked least out of the final two. I mean, Papa Pappas didn't exactly look brimming over with joy when they announced their wedding plans on national network television. It will be interesting to see what happens.

And of course the part of the special "Where Are They Now" episode that made my jaw drop was the very, very end of the show, where we see good ol' Brad Womack (who DeAnna seems to have forgiven because now she realizes there is no way you can go on this show and NOT make someone feel they have been led on) sitting in a recliner in what I guess is supposed to be his bach pad, eating a sandwich and watching TV. Cut to an over-the-shoulder shot of what's on the TV (a teeny little flatscreen--we know Brad's REAL bach pad would have one much bigger), and it's DeAnna, self-proclaimed happiest woman in the world, getting engaged and having all her dreams come true. Cut to commercial. WHAAAAAAT. How would they ever get Brad, who they've been bashing all season, to agree to shooting that? Well, I found out that they didn't. This article explains where the sandwich-eating footage came from and how it was originally supposed to be used. Annnnd that's why they make you sign your life away to be one one of these shows. So they can humiliate you later, and you can't do a thing about it.

Legally Blonde: The Search for Elle Woods
I think in our heart of hearts, we all knew from the beginning that Southern belle Bailey would nab the role of Elle by the end of the show. And I really, really feel for Autumn; how much does it suck to be told by the director of a Broadway show that you have the best voice of anyone in the entire competition, and then NOT get cast? I guess that's why that industry is so tough. Just having a kick-ass voice isn't enough to get you a show. But the cool part is how awesome it must have been to perform three Broadway numbers on a Broadway stage for your family. Whether you end up winning or not, that's still awesome. Although it would be much more awesome if you won so Mom and Dad could see you do the whole show.

And Bailey debuted this week! If you visit the show's site, you can see a video of her recording "So Much Better," which is now available on iTunes. And typical of Bailey, the song sounds a little too perfect. But I mean, she's good. I can't hold a note as long as she does at the end of that song, that's for sure! I just think when Bailey talks she has this sort of animated Disney princess quality that's a little less believable than Laura Bell Bundy's quick, quippy raspiness (which I didn't particularly like either...I guess I just wish they could put Reese Witherspoon onstage instead; I'm just a die-hard for the movie version). I'm trying to find a review of Bailey's first performance, but I haven't had any luck.

Speaking of reviews...

We got one for HSM in the Journal and Courier. I guess it was good considering who wrote it--apparently the guy has it in for our director and our Miss Darbus, and both of them knew that--but luckily Cody, Issa, and I were described as "notable" performers, and the rest of the young cast was spared from any of Mr. Jaeger's snarky remarks. I've never been reviewed for doing a show before; it was kinda weird. But I think the important thing is that no one really cares what's in the review; they care more about what friends, family, and respected theatre patrons have to say. And all of THEIR reviews were pretty good. I know the 12-and-under crowd was happy with it anyway!

What else is new? Oh! I am helping a friend of mine who coaches the Twin Lakes color guard. He needed a "movement technition"...basically someone to help teach the girls better dance technique, and asked me if I'd do it. Now, I have never been in color guard, so I know I am going to learn a LOT. So far the girls are doing great; they have been working really hard and picking things up quickly. But I'm sure after a couple of weeks my novelty will wear off and they will stop liking me...lol I just remember that you always liked a new coach or director for like a week and then you stopped thinking they were fun. So I'm just kind of waiting for that to happen! They call me "Miss Stanforth," which is really weird but I guess I'll just have to get used to it. Meanwhile, I'm just worried about whether I'm teaching them the right things in the right way. I've just never really coached anything, and I like it, but I just worry about doing a good job. I am, however, totally excited to get to go watch them at football games and competitions! In high school I had a lot of friends who were in marching band and I was always fascinated about how they got everyone to move into those formations and everything, so I'm stoked to get to see it from the other side.

Lastly, people are leaving!!! :(

My on-stage brother (he played Ryan to my Sharpay) is now gone. He's doing a grad school/dorm director program in Illinois and he left Tuesday. We really bonded and I do actually feel like he's my brother, and I miss him a metric ton. And the weirdest part is, I don't talk to him every day now, and so I feel like it's been ages since we've spoken! I did get to talk to him Wednesday night and I was already going "It's so good to hear your voice!" Geez, I sound like my parents! But I am sure he is super-busy getting ready for the school year to start and for all of the undergrads to get there! Everyone else from the HSM group is still in town, but now we're all leaving on vacations, so we're not doing the "big group" activities so much anymore. In a way, though, it's nice because I'm getting more one-on-one time with people and getting to know them better, which is very awesome. I think we're going to try for one more big group day/night before the rest of the kids head off to IU and Butler and wherever else. And then, I know the Purdue kids will still be in town, but I also know their schedules will fill up, and they'll get back in the swing of things with their college friends and roommates, and I won't see them as much, so I'm trying to treasure moments with them now too. Although, it sounds like we will all see each other at tailgates on game days, which will be SO much fun! So that will be good. Also, one of my friends from the station is leaving for a new job in Oklahoma, and although I know it's going to be great for her, I am bummed that she won't be around anymore. The thing that stinks about TV is that people come and go very quickly. Thank God for Facebook!!!

Well, this is getting longer and longer, so I guess I'll just stop here before I think of something else to talk about!

Until later!
lis

i could do this forever...

I am about to run off to Broadway.

Not really. But it amazes me how much joy you can get out of doing something. And I get SO much joy out of performing!

We opened "High School Musical" last weekend, and we had two really good shows. And I think this is the coolest thing I've ever done...maybe even cooler than Christmas Show. And that, for me, is saying a lot.

It's just the best of everything. My favorite play I've ever been in. My favorite role I've ever played. Cute costumes. An awesome set. Huge depth of talent in the cast. Super-nice, amazing people who have become great friends. Fun, challenging choreography. Super-fun music. Fireworks! And a built-in fan base of kids from 4 to 14 who go absolutely nuts over anything HSM-related.

I haven't gotten to do any real performing in about a year, so I just felt absolutely spoiled performing in front of a full house Friday night! There is something about hearing the applause, the laughs, and feeling the electricity surging between the house and the stage that I absolutely love. And when the lights went down on our last note Friday night, I watched the fireworks popping overhead and heard the cheering audience, and it just washed through me and overwhelmed me, and I got tears in my eyes. I missed this. Then Caitlin grabbed my hand and ran up the hill with me from the backstage area to the front entrance to the house. Ryan checked to make sure I had an autograph pen, which I had but felt a little presumptuous holding on my way up to meet the audience. Out of nowhere, Adrienne appeared next to me and shoved a mint in my mouth. These guys are pros, I thought. And then there were people everywhere. People I knew...Kels, Isaac, the Hainje girls, people's parents.

And then there were kids. Everywhere. All around, holding up their programs for me to sign! Some of them grabbed my hand, eager to shake it, and some were so shy they could barely muster up the gumption to look at me. There were parents encouraging their kids to be patient while I tried to sign every piece of paper thrust anxiously in front of me. They wanted hugs. They wanted pictures. They wanted their HSM t-shirts signed. They wanted to talk to me. They wanted to hide behind their moms. It. Was. Awesome.

I think that was what really made it special for me...those kids were sooo excited about that show, and so beside themselves with enthusiasm, that it made me feel so good to have been a part of something that they were so excited about! And the parents were so appreciative. I can imagine long weeks for some parents with kids counting down the days until HSM, buying tickets and t-shirts, and probably hoping the excitement would die down at some point so they could get the kids to go to sleep that night. You could tell it meant a lot to them for us to meet their kids and spend a few moments with them. I can't imagine what it's like for people who do this sort of thing every day. I'm sure it gets tiring, but at the same time, what an incredible phenomenon to be able to make a kid happy just by saying hello or signing a book or a piece of paper. That meant more than all the applause, definitely, definitely.

And this weekend we get to do it again!

I feel like I could do this every weekend forever; it's just that much fun. I know that after this weekend, my life will be back to normal. I will be the girl sitting at the computer all night and behind the cameras all morning; the girl that no one sees, hears, or knows about. The person pulling and pushing invisible strings and buttons to put a show on the air. The girl no one recognizes in public. But that's ok! I am so happy to have had a little part in people's lives for just one evening...and hopefully to have made some kid's day by talking to them and sending them home with a picture and a piece of paper with a pink signature on it.

Sweet dreams!
Lis

let's get this show on the road...

So, I have been super busy with HSM rehearsals and hanging out with the cast...the coolest people ever! Leaving little time for me to update my blog. I realize I missed recapping last week's episodes of "The Search for Elle Woods" and "The Bachelorette." AND I realize that we all just finished watching those two shows for the week. AND that it was the 3-hour finale of the Bachelorette and...OH MY GOSH!!!

But guess what...I don't have time to blog about it.

I'm just going to say really quick that I am SOOO excited about opening the show this weekend; I'm just praying that we won't get rained out! Tonight we had to finish our rehearsal in the shelter area of the theatre, because it stormed. So I didn't get to run all of my costume changes, which always makes me worry a little bit. But the hardest and quickest change I did get a chance to do, and it went really well...There is one more rather big change I haven't done yet, but I think it will be fine. Hopefully tomorrow night we will get the chance to get all the way through the show, since Thursday is preview night! I am so, so ready to get this show in front of an audience...it's just always so exciting to have people out there to feed energy off of and to have laughter and applause...hopefully we will get a lot of both (in the right spots)!

I also want to say that I THANK GOD so much for all the people who have become a part of my life through this show. I have made some great friendships with some wonderful people this summer and I am just so thankful and BLESSED. This is the coolest musical I have ever been in, and it's so awesome to have so many talented kids, a good sound system, an awesome pit band, a beautiful set, and totally cute costumes! Seriously, this show is gonna rock.

Time to get back to work. Oh! Here is a blog post from Civic's blog about my character! Happy reading and more news later! :)

moving pictures

Last night I went to see "WALL-E," the newest Pixar movie. I love Pixar movies in general; they are always so cleverly thought through and executed. This one was absolutely no exception to the rule.

First of all, the movie opened with a view of the Earth from space. The voice of a young Michael Crawford floats through the studio: "Out there, there's a world outside of Yonkers, way beyond this hick-town, Barnaby...there's a slick town, Barnaby...Out there, full of shine and full of sparkle, close your eyes and see it glisten Barnaby...listen, Barnaby! Put on your Sunday clothes, there's lots of world out there..." I love the musical movie "Hello, Dolly!" so naturally this beginning made me gasp in recognition and then bounce up and down in my seat, singing along as softly as I could.

We zoom in on the world and find that Wall-e is a little robot left on Earth to clean up after humans, who are living large (literally) on a cruise spaceship far out in the galaxy. Wall-e spends his work day alone and then comes home and watches "Hello Dolly!" and tries to imitate the dance moves until it's time to sleep. Which is just about exactly what I do. So...that's my life. Anyway, the song "Put on Your Sunday Clothes" comes back to be a sort of theme song for Wall-e and a rallying anthem for the protagonists in the film. And the other "Hello, Dolly" song used in the movie was "It Only Takes a Moment," which was the love theme for Wall-e and his love interest, Eve. I won't give away anything else, since the movie just came out. But I will give anyone who goes to see the movie this tip: Stay and watch the credits--they do a really cool thing with the progression of art and animation.

And speaking of progression and movies, and musicals...I just saw "Singing in the Rain." WHY has it taken me 23 years to see this movie? It is a masterpiece, a landmark...it's a movie about movies, a musical about musicals! How could I NOT love it?! But anyway, it's amazing. And the really cool thing is how it follows the history of movies and how going from silent film to talking pictures changed Hollywood and the people who worked there. And the DVD has a special feature that shows you clips of some of those actual landmark movies, like "The Jazz Singer" and "Broadway Melody." And by the way, watching the clip from "Broadway Melody" convinced me of something I have always suspected, and that is that if I had been around back in the 1920s and 30s, I could have made it into a few movies. The dancing in the clip from "Broadway Melody" was like watching a high school theatre production, except for this unreal dancer who tap-danced on toe shoes...I just don't get how she did it!!! That was amazing. But the rest of the girls were really mediocre...lol...I think I could've given them a run for their money. I don't mean to sound conceited...I just think it really was a lot easier back then to get into the movies!

Well, I'm not living back in the 20s and 30s, and I'm not in Hollywood, but thanks to the fact that I am living in the 21st century, I can make my own little movies. That brings me to my last little bit...a video I made after a group of us from the HSM cast spent last Saturday at the Taste of Tippecanoe, a really neat downtown event where you get to walk around and try all kinds of food from different restuarants and listen to local bands.



And that's all I got! More later on...

Lis

the heart of life

Oh, man, is this a rainy day for the books! I love thunderstorms, and this morning is Grade A as far as they are concerned. This is "unplug your laptop and lay on the couch under a blanket and blog while you watch the lightning through the window" weather! I love it!

I'll let my thoughts rumble and tumble out of my head and onto the screen like the thunder rolling outside...

I'm so excited about going to the Lake. As much as I had tried every year of my life not to take my time up there for granted, there was no way I could truly appreciate it until last summer when I didn't get to go for the first time in the almost-23 years of my life.

Going up there is the epitomy of what a vacation, a Sabbath, a refuge should be. I always feel closer to God when I'm up there. He is impossible to ignore in that place. First of all, there is no TV, no Internet, and no cell phone reception, so most of life's daily distractions are removed from your life while you're there. Plus, the Northwoods of Minnesota are at their finest, as that area is lightly inhabited and barely cultivated by people, leaving plenty of room for all of God's creation to be on its best display, from the clear lakes to the beautiful, thick forests of birches and pines, to the frequently spotted eagles, loons, deer, moose, and even bears living among our little cabins. And I think that atmosphere lends itself to a sense of clarity we all get from spending time at the lake. We all get time away from our problems and get a chance to weigh them in an environment that makes us question what is really necessary and what is not worth worrying about. We sit on the dock at night and look at the big glass bowl of sky over the lake and watch it fill with stars and Northern Lights, and we realize how small we are and how insignificant some of our problems are. Marla and I always laugh because she always seemed to end up going home and breaking up with her boyfriends after we went ot the lake back in high school...but the truth is, she just had time away to evaluate her relationships and decide whether or not they were really worth her time and energy.

I have felt an overwhelming sense of clarity increasing in my life in the past year and especially in the past six months or so, and I can only imagine how much clearer things will be when I get to the Lake. I always love that Bible passage that goes something like, "Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face..." I always equated that to what it will be like to get to Heaven, and I always thought it would be that feeling of being at the Lake times like infinity. You know, because right now I have this dim, smudgy look at my life and everything in it, but at the Lake it's so beautiful and awesome that it puts everything else into perspective so clearly. So I think Heaven will be like the Lake, only much, much better.

Anyway, there are a few John Mayer songs striking some major chords (no pun intended, seriously) with me lately. One, of course, is "Clarity" from his album "The Heavier Things" (that is a GREAT album, by the way). The song says a lot about how I'm feeling these days and especially how it feels at the Lake...

This morning, there's a calm I can't explain
Rock candy's melted, only diamonds now remain...

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light, pretend that it somehow lingered on...

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When I won't and it won't cause it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to

Besides the obvious theme of clarity, I just love how it's about trying to hang on to the moments as long as you can even though you know it's going to be over at some point. That's how it is at the Lake; you take in every sight and sound ans smell from the minute you start driving down the lane to the cabin and get your first glimpse at the Lake, to the last second you're driving away, looking behind you to keep the mailbox row in view as long as you can and knowing it will be another year or more until you can come back again.

And speaking of that sad trip home from the lake, this is another JM song that has been speaking to me on multiple levels, because it's about growing up, but one part is just totally the Lake:

Once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark...

Singing stop this train, I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train

Firstly, that part about it feeling like it should and everyone being around and feeling safe. That's so what it's like; Mamaw and Papaw, sometimes aunts and uncles, and always a few very old, very good friends are around, and you're safe from the pressures of the life you put on hold while you went on vacation, and you drink in every moment of it. And then the part about crying while you drive away in the dark...that is SPOT ON what happens when you leave the Lake. It's always dark because it's early-early in the morning. And you always cry, you can't help it, because you don't want to leave this little paradise; you don't want to go back and face reality again. And you feel like that little red cabin is home...you're just going back to the world to get by until you can come home to the little cabin again. (Again, a lot like Heaven!) So anyway, that's pretty much that.

Finally, I am loving this song and I think a lot of the people who check in on my blog from time to time might like it too, because a lot of us are living in what is so far the hardest and most challenging time of our lives right now. And this song is just a great little anthem for those of us trying to stay afloat in the big world...so I'm gonna post the whole song and the video so you all can have a listen. This one's for you!

"The Heart Of Life"



I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
But, then your circle of friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who's misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it's good

Love!
Lis

he knew

Graham knew he was going home this week.

I just finished watching the newest episode of the Bachelorette, and was it a good one or WHAT! The stakes are much higher, with four guys left, each taking Deanna home to meet their families.

All of the hometown visits went unbelievably well, except for Graham's. First all was fine, as Graham finally got to relax with Deanna and be in his own environment, and she was excited that he was more talkative. But you could see that Deanna was in major puppy love...she was practically wagging her tail when she got out of the car to meet him. After the conversation with Graham's mom, though, reality kicked in and Deanna could see that Graham still was a long way from the super-attentive, totally committed person she was hoping for in a husband. Then they left the house and sat on that bench in the woods and you could just tell...he wasn't there. And here is my theory:

Graham wasn't into the show. He wasn't into bunking with a bunch of other guys and dating the same girl as all of them. He wasn't into the cameras. And he wasn't into falling all over himself to keep Deanna's attention. And I respect that. I said before that Graham seems like a real person, and what is he doing on this show? I think this episode proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My theory is that he got quiet on that bench because (a) he's a quiet guy and (b) all those cameras were around and he realized, this is what the deal is until they get ENGAGED. They will never truly be alone with each other in the moment until after this show is over, and by then it will be proposal time! And he's probably not ready for that. Then when she starts trying to pick his brain (which I would've done too, I admit), he realized, this is what the deal is until she DIES! Deanna will never be content with Graham handling things internally; she'll just insist that he's "running away." And he knew in that moment, I think, that it wasn't going to work.

And when he showed up to the rose ceremony in jeans, I KNEW that he knew he was headed right back out that door again.

The scene on the bench broke my heart, but only because I know what it's like telling someone goodbye when you know it's absolutely the right thing to do even though you think you want to keep him around so badly. And I'm not a big Deanna fan, but I was kind of "proud" of her for putting Graham in that limo. They weren't for each other, which was clear, but she wanted him to be The Guy so badly that it was hard to admit it wasn't the right thing. I've definitely been there, and I know that while she was second-guessing herself in that moment, she'll look back at that now and be glad she let him go. I may be projecting a little bit. Yeah, I think I am. But I also really think that's what went on there.

And the way Graham turned away from her, obviously crying...that was a sure sign that he wasn't at that point where she wanted him to be, if he couldn't cry in front of her. That's just not who he is...or maybe she's just not that person for him to feel like he can cry in front of, hence another sign that it was over. But you could see in his face that he knew he had blown his chance. And then the NOTE!!! OMG...I think he had that note ready because he knew he was going home. And I honestly felt for both of them at that point because I think they both wanted it to work out, but just knew down in the bottom of their hearts that it wasn't going to pan out. She held out her hand to walk him to the car, he didn't take it. He held out the note to her, and she didn't take THAT. He sets it on the bench. And then he says, "This is for you to read ONLY. Not for some show..." AGGGGHHH!!! Does that not seal it? This guy was not ready to let his guard down and let his feelings out in front of a girl, in front of a camera! And then his brimming tears and that subtle shake of his head as he drove away...ohhhh it just broke my heart. It was like watching a real break-up. Maybe it's just because I'm PMSing. But GEEZ!!!

Oh, and I can't WAIT to see next week's episod when they go on the exotic dates. Jesse totally sold me when they showed what happened when she gave him the card for the fantasy suite. (In case you don't know how this gameshow works, the "exotic" dates end with the possibility of Deanna inviting the guy to stay with her in the fantasy suite overnight, rather than stay in their own separate rooms.) So they preview Jason, who I love, who starts reading the card and stops mid-sentence, throws the card to the side and says, "Yeah!!!" (Which is cute.) And then they show Jesse, who reads the card and says, "I don't know if I can do this until after I've met your father." YES YES YEEEEESSSSSS!!!! This guy is A+ Excellent quality! (Just not physically attractive to me personally.) But oh WOW, has that ever happened in the history of this show??! This guy won't make it past next week, but I love him and I think he has proven time and time again that he is the ultimate in chivalry. Any girl would be lucky to marry this kid.

OK, the pool is calling. Oh, and WTF, MTV? Thanks for not posting last night's episode of "The Search for Elle Woods!" Luckily, they did post the audition sequences and I think Lauren and Rhiannon did exceptionally well. Pleeeeeaaase tell me Celina went home. No, don't tell me. I can wait till Thursday when they post the episode. I didn't buy Cassie's performance either...I think she'd be better in a goofy, comedic supporting role than as a leading lady. Plus, she has some serious pitch/hearing issues. And Bailey did the song like a clone of Laura Bell Bundy :-P Boo...she sounded good though. OK, I'm done talking about this because I'm going to the pool!!! Bye!