he knew

Graham knew he was going home this week.

I just finished watching the newest episode of the Bachelorette, and was it a good one or WHAT! The stakes are much higher, with four guys left, each taking Deanna home to meet their families.

All of the hometown visits went unbelievably well, except for Graham's. First all was fine, as Graham finally got to relax with Deanna and be in his own environment, and she was excited that he was more talkative. But you could see that Deanna was in major puppy love...she was practically wagging her tail when she got out of the car to meet him. After the conversation with Graham's mom, though, reality kicked in and Deanna could see that Graham still was a long way from the super-attentive, totally committed person she was hoping for in a husband. Then they left the house and sat on that bench in the woods and you could just tell...he wasn't there. And here is my theory:

Graham wasn't into the show. He wasn't into bunking with a bunch of other guys and dating the same girl as all of them. He wasn't into the cameras. And he wasn't into falling all over himself to keep Deanna's attention. And I respect that. I said before that Graham seems like a real person, and what is he doing on this show? I think this episode proved that beyond a shadow of a doubt. My theory is that he got quiet on that bench because (a) he's a quiet guy and (b) all those cameras were around and he realized, this is what the deal is until they get ENGAGED. They will never truly be alone with each other in the moment until after this show is over, and by then it will be proposal time! And he's probably not ready for that. Then when she starts trying to pick his brain (which I would've done too, I admit), he realized, this is what the deal is until she DIES! Deanna will never be content with Graham handling things internally; she'll just insist that he's "running away." And he knew in that moment, I think, that it wasn't going to work.

And when he showed up to the rose ceremony in jeans, I KNEW that he knew he was headed right back out that door again.

The scene on the bench broke my heart, but only because I know what it's like telling someone goodbye when you know it's absolutely the right thing to do even though you think you want to keep him around so badly. And I'm not a big Deanna fan, but I was kind of "proud" of her for putting Graham in that limo. They weren't for each other, which was clear, but she wanted him to be The Guy so badly that it was hard to admit it wasn't the right thing. I've definitely been there, and I know that while she was second-guessing herself in that moment, she'll look back at that now and be glad she let him go. I may be projecting a little bit. Yeah, I think I am. But I also really think that's what went on there.

And the way Graham turned away from her, obviously crying...that was a sure sign that he wasn't at that point where she wanted him to be, if he couldn't cry in front of her. That's just not who he is...or maybe she's just not that person for him to feel like he can cry in front of, hence another sign that it was over. But you could see in his face that he knew he had blown his chance. And then the NOTE!!! OMG...I think he had that note ready because he knew he was going home. And I honestly felt for both of them at that point because I think they both wanted it to work out, but just knew down in the bottom of their hearts that it wasn't going to pan out. She held out her hand to walk him to the car, he didn't take it. He held out the note to her, and she didn't take THAT. He sets it on the bench. And then he says, "This is for you to read ONLY. Not for some show..." AGGGGHHH!!! Does that not seal it? This guy was not ready to let his guard down and let his feelings out in front of a girl, in front of a camera! And then his brimming tears and that subtle shake of his head as he drove away...ohhhh it just broke my heart. It was like watching a real break-up. Maybe it's just because I'm PMSing. But GEEZ!!!

Oh, and I can't WAIT to see next week's episod when they go on the exotic dates. Jesse totally sold me when they showed what happened when she gave him the card for the fantasy suite. (In case you don't know how this gameshow works, the "exotic" dates end with the possibility of Deanna inviting the guy to stay with her in the fantasy suite overnight, rather than stay in their own separate rooms.) So they preview Jason, who I love, who starts reading the card and stops mid-sentence, throws the card to the side and says, "Yeah!!!" (Which is cute.) And then they show Jesse, who reads the card and says, "I don't know if I can do this until after I've met your father." YES YES YEEEEESSSSSS!!!! This guy is A+ Excellent quality! (Just not physically attractive to me personally.) But oh WOW, has that ever happened in the history of this show??! This guy won't make it past next week, but I love him and I think he has proven time and time again that he is the ultimate in chivalry. Any girl would be lucky to marry this kid.

OK, the pool is calling. Oh, and WTF, MTV? Thanks for not posting last night's episode of "The Search for Elle Woods!" Luckily, they did post the audition sequences and I think Lauren and Rhiannon did exceptionally well. Pleeeeeaaase tell me Celina went home. No, don't tell me. I can wait till Thursday when they post the episode. I didn't buy Cassie's performance either...I think she'd be better in a goofy, comedic supporting role than as a leading lady. Plus, she has some serious pitch/hearing issues. And Bailey did the song like a clone of Laura Bell Bundy :-P Boo...she sounded good though. OK, I'm done talking about this because I'm going to the pool!!! Bye!