reality check

***Disclaimer! I started writing this on Thursday and I kept dozing off, so I had to finish it tonight, seeing as Monday night is just around the corner and I don't want to get behind!***


Wow, I actually haven't blogged yet this week. It's Thursday! I'm so excited! OK, I feel the need to recap my two current reality obsessions.

The Bachelorette

I'm gonna save the you the trouble of pretending to be entertained by my comments when everything I have to say wouldn't compare to Lincee, queen of the Bachelor recap blog domain. It was a killer episode, but I'll just leave it to the pro.

Moving on...

The Search for Elle Woods
First of all, can I just say that I know at LEAST 10 girls that I could put on this show who would be more talented than this bunch? With a few exceptions. I think a few of them are really tough. But most of the time, I feel like I'm watching high school theatre.

We get a flashback of the last episode, in which Nikki Snelson of the LB Broadway cast dropped lines on the girls, and Cassie O. was sent home. Then we see what's going to happen...and it can be summed up with one fitting word: Da-RAMA!

The girls are starting to realize after the first of the top ten left, it became clear that this is truly a competition...not just musical theatre camp.

The two remaining of the "bottom three" return. Everyone is glad to see Lindsay, but less thrilled about stage poodle Cassie S. Cassie observes to the camera that Lindsay got way more hugs than she did, followed by, "Oh, it is ON!!!"

Oh. My. Gosh.

I would also like to point out at this point that all these girls are wearing matching LB sweats. What? They are wearing these stinking things all the time. It's like the only time they AREN'T instructed specifically on what to wear is when they receive their cryptic "call sheets."

Speaking of the call sheet, it sends them to a gym where they meet their vocal coach for some exercise/singing rehearsal. This is actually a pretty awesome way to show how talented some of these girls are. I mean, I can hardly carry a conversation on a spin bike, much less belt a song. So, props to these girls...except Cassie S. Who, by the way, the producer has decided to hate on this episode. I don't mind, if you don't. She is the ONLY person who is vocally all over the place with her pitch...like, is this even real? And then cut to Cassie confessing to the camera that she is sooo impressed with how good she was.

Hayley Duff comes in to help the vocal coach announce the winner of the workout/singing session. Lauren wins for fierce belting, and she picks Cassie S. to share the prize with her in an effort to show friendship to the girl everyone hates...how Elle of her! Cassie is pissed to be picked out of "pity." The reward is "a mani-pedi" with Orfeh, who plays Paulette in LB on B'way.

The girls make good use of their time by asking Orfeh for advice. Orfeh makes good use of OUR time by attempting to dig into the dirt on what goes on inside the house. Cassie tells the camera how stupid it is that everyone says they get along in the house. Here's what I know about girls---the ones who say we're all getting along are the ones who are trying to create a positive atmosphere. The ones who say it's catty are the ones who are making it catty.

The girls say goodbye and Cassie tells Orfeh to "watch the nails" like she and O. are best buds. Ugh...

The tension is high when Lauren and Cassie get back. Everyone is jealous of their mani-pedi treatments. Emma tells us how unhelpful it would've been for her to meet a Broadway star because she grew up in a Broadway family. "Whatever." Many of the girls express to the camera that Emma should've won. Too bad she wouldn't have cared about the reward.

Next morning, the call sheet arrives just in time to give the girls a big pink panic attack because they only have a half-hour to get ready for their call time. Some girls brag about how quickly they can get ready in the morning.

The girls show up at the rehearsal studio to find out they will not only be learning Elle's part for the audition song, "Omigod," but they will also learn the chorus parts to perform for each other's auditions. Vocal dude notices how much the girl half-ass it when they're not singing Elle's part, and predicts some serious "biotchery" in the house.

The girls head back to the loft where they decide to run the piece and give everyone a chance to run it as Elle. Flashback to elementary recesses when my little friends and I would "take turns" singing songs from Disney movies...and it was the same thing. Everyone wants to sing the princess part. No one wants to be Aladdin, or the Beast, or Sabastian, or Zazu. We see the girls dwindle away, until finally it's Cassie's turn and Bailey decides to rest her voice...along with three other girls who aren't called out for not participating.

The girls are soooo nervous for the auditions. I would be, too. They each go through the piece with "local actress" Nicole who plays the shop girl's part.

Haylie Duff keeps saying "at least" one of the girls will go home after the audition...hmm?

Autumn goes first. I kind of love this girl...she cracks me up in her little camera confessionals. She is good; she messes up the words, but she totally covers herself. She is much older than most of the other girls, and her maturity puts her on a whole different level than the other girls competitively. She's not even worried about whether people hug her or not. Poodle, please!

Rhiannon is next. She is so adorable, but so young in contrast to Autumn that it makes me have a hard time believing her as a college grad. The judges think she is a "joyologist." Cue Molly Shannon, anyone? "I love it I love it I love it!!!"

And I would like to mention at this point that Cassie S. can be spotted "giving 100%" for all the other girls in the background...but I know what this is. She's not being helpful and selfless. She's trying to be noticed. We used to have a girl in the PMO Kid's Choir who was always overdoing everything, including her reactions to other people's solo parts, in an attempt to keep all eyes on her. It's not helpful. It's a-freaking-nnoying, and she needs to cut it out. But that's why we love to hate her, right?

Anyway, on with the auditions. Bailey is too Disney. Emma is too harsh. Natalie does pretty stinkin' well...we see a pleased smile from Bernie. Cassie S. does a good job...and then the judges put her on the spot: "Do you think you should go home?" She makes the brilliant move to say she thinks other girls should go before her. The judges ask for names, and she cops out by saying she wants to say a name but not on a personal level. Then the judges ask a question written down by the producers of the MTV reality show..."Do you think other girls weren't supporting you when you practiced in the house last night?" Of course, Cassie tells the truth and the girls backstage get pissed and coin the title of this episode: "Omigod, She Threw Us Under the Bus!"

Back to the auditions! Lindsay gives a high school theatre-level performance. Lauren starts every phrase of her song with an "H." Celina is too sexy. And scary. And mean. Seriously, what is she DOING here?!

The judges give Celina some criticism and then she cries to the camera about being talked down to and not being treated like a person. Um...welcome to show business?

The judges do their deliberating and then Haylie brings the girls out to tell them FOUR of them will go to the casting office today...dun dun dun. The List of girls who are safe for the week are Autumn, Bailey, Rhiannon, Natalie, and...Cassie!

WHA????!!!!

OMG, are all the girls pissed or WHAT! Celina, Lindsay, Emma, and Lauren all head to the casting office. But the best part is the "photo finish" moment when Cassie walks into the dressing room, revealing Bailey's reaction when she walks in. Total shock and horror...Priceless.

The judges do their best to deliver the lines written by the MTV producer in as natural a form as possible. "You're here today because your auditions didn't soar." "Your dream of becoming Elle Woods may be over."

After giving their criticisms to the girls, the judges tell Emma they want to see more colors. They tell Celina she has potential. They tell Lauren she is wasting their time. They tell Lindsay she's cut.

Lindsay has a great exiting speech to the camera. She is hopeful for a career on Broadway in the future. It's ok, Lindsay, I don't know why they sent you home and kept Celina either!

OK, that's it. I'm ready for the next installment! And I can't wait to see Bachelorette hometown visits this week! :)

Until then!
Lis